Wednesday, August 26, 2009

SICK........................


Here is a picture of my very healthy baby... I think this was taken on july 4th.... after going to day care and having a hard time adjusting she lost weight but not that much aroudn 2 lbs. but you can certainly see she lost weight aside from getting taller ( got that from her dad) her used to be pinchabel cheeks has now slimmed down... I am so worried of her losing weight but I know it is also because she is no longer dependent on milk/formula, used to be she can drink 4-8 0z. milk a day now it is down to 2 =(.
Since her molars are also coming out she refuses to eat even her favorites. I am thankful though that she still likes to eat chicken nuggets from mcdonalds. After school i would bring her to Mcdo and she would say high to the flags ( she has a thing for flags =) ).
Since saturday afternoon my bea develop fever ranging from 102 F-104 F i was so scared.. Just seeing her not have the energy to play and dance breaks my heart into pieces... We went to the hospital at 3 am after she registered a fever of 104.3 it sacred me that it is because of something... Oh well i should have expected the kind of treatment that we would get although the pinay nurses were very helpful all the doctor said was give her tylenol/motrin and thats just it he didnt even bother to check on her throat, ears or something at least check where the fever is coming from.... Something must be causing her to have a fever... I really hate going to to our local hospital in these times i really wished that I am back home with my family and having a great doctor check on my daughter.
Needless to say, my daughter had 4 days of fever and all i can do is give her tylenol/motrin and just answer all her needs. I had difficulty sleeping at night knowing that she is lying beside me having a hard time sleeping because of her cough and stuffy nose .
I enjoy spending time with bea but not like this when she is cranky and would cry even for the smallest reason you can imagine...... What i like about staying with her is when she wakes up in the middle of the night and see me seating down just looking at her in a soft voice she would say "come mommy, ling down ( lie down) , sleep more" just melt my heart away......
After 4 days she is now able to go back to daycare ( which i know is the source of her sickness =] ) she still cried when i left her there and of course it just breaks my heart seeing her cry....
If only i could win the lottery and be rich so I no longer have to work.....
If only.......................

Friday, August 21, 2009

HOW CAN I STOP MY TODDLER FROM SAYING YAH/YEAH!!!!

My daughter started attending day care/school last august 3rd. In the first week she had bee wailing her heart out everytime i leave her there ( such a heart breaker seeing my baby cry)... After 3 weeks i can say we are gettign better.... I only have to promise her that we would go to Mcdonalds after school ( costly but effective way for her to behave in school ).

Pre-daycare whenever we asked bea if she wants something she would always say yes or yes please ( such a sweetie) but i noticed since this week she has acquired the bad habit of answering yah/yeah to my every question. I keep on telling her not to say yah/yeah but yes but being the bull headed girl that she is she would still say yah/yeah just to irritate me.

Yesterday i picked her up at the daycare/school and the caregiver told me that she peed on her pants so I asked her "bea did you peepee in your pants" and of course she answered "yah", again I told her not to say yah/yeah but yes surprisingly the caregiver was laughing so hard and she said i think she acquired that from me =(.

Now I am trying to make her yes instead of yah/yeah..... but i think my baby knows how much it irritates me hearing her say yah/yeah so she keeps on saying that word.... Silly girl.....

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The beginning of my journey with bea.......................



My daughter has been and will always be the source of my strength and happiness.
Getting pregnant was not as easy for me as with other women. Since my childhood i have always known that I wanted to be a mommy probably because of the not so good memories that I have growing up, which i promised myself that my child won't ever experience.
I have been diagnosed by my ob gyn with PCOD (poly cystic ovarian disease) from what she told me it is not really a disease they just call it that way or sometimes it si called PCOS or polycystic ovarian syndrome. Said condition is described at ehow. com as;

"Polycystic ovarian disease (PCOD) also known as polycystic ovarian syndrome is a women's medical condition characterized by irregular or no menstrual periods, obesity and excessive growth of hair. In polycystic ovarian disease the ovaries produce more follicles than normal, however the follicles do not mature into eggs, hence leading to abnormal menstrual periods in women. The name polycystic ovaries generally means enlarged ovaries which are produced from the cysts present on the follicles. According to a study conducted by Harvard Medical School, almost 5 percent of women worldwide suffer from PCOD at some stage of their lives. Early diagnoses and treatment is essential. Left untreated, PCOD can lead to heart disease and diabetes. "
Because one of the symptom a person with PCOD/PCOS have is irregular menstrual cycle one effect/symptom of the said condition is INFERTILITY. Imagine being told you have that condition a couple of days before my wedding ( What a great boost in spririt =( )..... I cried the whole night after being diagnosed... I kept on thinking why me? when since a child i have always wanted to be a mommy.....It is really heart wrenching to learn that you may not be able to have a child because of my difficulty in ovulating thus affecting my chances of conception and getting pregnant....
It was a hard, painful and sad journey... Five years total..... I kept on displaying my brave face to my husband convincing myself that everything will be alright and with or without a child we would be happy..... but deep down inside me I keep on asking myself.. Why me? why this is happening to me? im jsut full of question on why God has given me this challenge knowing that all I ever wanted is to become a MOM..
I have undergone several fertility treatment in that 5 yrs. and everytime the treatment fails I am a ship wreck... my self esteem getting lower.... my heart breaking into pieces... my whole world crumbling apart... Those failed treatments would always be the cause of our fights.... I would be in a deep depression that i wont talked to anybody nto even my poor husband... He too blamed himself for my depression... he would always say that he think it would've have been better if he hadnt married me .... and i would'nt be in these situation ever.....
After 5 yrs. of self pity and loneliness.... I lifted it all up to God and I asked him to give me strength and peace within me to face my childless life.... For the first time after 5 yrs. I was at peace with my self... I was no longer mad... no more envy..... no more pain.... I have accepted my fate... I promised my self to be happy no matter what.....
Then 09/19/06 came.... instinctively i purchased a pregnancy test kit after a couple of months that my sister have been insisting for me to check whether i am pregnant or not.... I keep on telling her it would only be a negative( just like the thousand of times i have taken the test (just exagerating) ).....
After 3 tests of EPT in 5 minutes it was POSITIVE..... imagine me holding the test in the restroom of our office just standing there looking at the 3rd test with the + sign....... I felt a bucket of icy water was poured upon me.... just standign there with the test and frozen..... After 5 long years of waiting to see that on a pregnancy test.... I finally saw it.... finally i know now what a positive EPT looks like =)
I pulled my self together gather all my EPT's and called my sister in the Phils. jumping for joy.... my sister cried with me she was so happy for me.... after that i called my hubby who thought i would tell him that the test was negative.... His first words after I told him that I did a test was "It's okay.... maybe it is not our time yet... I still love you even without a child"..... after that he asked me what was the result =) when i told him it was a POSITIVE you can tell on his voice that he wanted to jump for joy.....
I knew then GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO THOSE WHO WAIT..... after 7 monts of waiting ( I was already 2 months on the way when I found out I was pregnant) another test of faith..... My baby was delivered via emergency c-section and she is not breathing apgar score was 3/7 then turn for the wors ( but that is for my next blog)..
With everything that I went through just to be a mom to my baby I still would say it was worth it.... Just seeing my daughter smile..... I know I've been blessed ten folds.....