My daughter has been and will always be the source of my strength and happiness.
Getting pregnant was not as easy for me as with other women. Since my childhood i have always known that I wanted to be a mommy probably because of the not so good memories that I have growing up, which i promised myself that my child won't ever experience.
I have been diagnosed by my ob gyn with PCOD (poly cystic ovarian disease) from what she told me it is not really a disease they just call it that way or sometimes it si called PCOS or polycystic ovarian syndrome. Said condition is described at ehow. com as;
"Polycystic ovarian disease (PCOD) also known as polycystic ovarian syndrome is a women's medical condition characterized by irregular or no menstrual periods, obesity and excessive growth of hair. In polycystic ovarian disease the ovaries produce more follicles than normal, however the follicles do not mature into eggs, hence leading to abnormal menstrual periods in women. The name polycystic ovaries generally means enlarged ovaries which are produced from the cysts present on the follicles. According to a study conducted by Harvard Medical School, almost 5 percent of women worldwide suffer from PCOD at some stage of their lives. Early diagnoses and treatment is essential. Left untreated, PCOD can lead to heart disease and diabetes. "
Because one of the symptom a person with PCOD/PCOS have is irregular menstrual cycle one effect/symptom of the said condition is INFERTILITY. Imagine being told you have that condition a couple of days before my wedding ( What a great boost in spririt =( )..... I cried the whole night after being diagnosed... I kept on thinking why me? when since a child i have always wanted to be a mommy.....It is really heart wrenching to learn that you may not be able to have a child because of my difficulty in ovulating thus affecting my chances of conception and getting pregnant....
It was a hard, painful and sad journey... Five years total..... I kept on displaying my brave face to my husband convincing myself that everything will be alright and with or without a child we would be happy..... but deep down inside me I keep on asking myself.. Why me? why this is happening to me? im jsut full of question on why God has given me this challenge knowing that all I ever wanted is to become a MOM..
I have undergone several fertility treatment in that 5 yrs. and everytime the treatment fails I am a ship wreck... my self esteem getting lower.... my heart breaking into pieces... my whole world crumbling apart... Those failed treatments would always be the cause of our fights.... I would be in a deep depression that i wont talked to anybody nto even my poor husband... He too blamed himself for my depression... he would always say that he think it would've have been better if he hadnt married me .... and i would'nt be in these situation ever.....
After 5 yrs. of self pity and loneliness.... I lifted it all up to God and I asked him to give me strength and peace within me to face my childless life.... For the first time after 5 yrs. I was at peace with my self... I was no longer mad... no more envy..... no more pain.... I have accepted my fate... I promised my self to be happy no matter what.....
Then 09/19/06 came.... instinctively i purchased a pregnancy test kit after a couple of months that my sister have been insisting for me to check whether i am pregnant or not.... I keep on telling her it would only be a negative( just like the thousand of times i have taken the test (just exagerating) ).....
After 3 tests of EPT in 5 minutes it was POSITIVE..... imagine me holding the test in the restroom of our office just standing there looking at the 3rd test with the + sign....... I felt a bucket of icy water was poured upon me.... just standign there with the test and frozen..... After 5 long years of waiting to see that on a pregnancy test.... I finally saw it.... finally i know now what a positive EPT looks like =)
I pulled my self together gather all my EPT's and called my sister in the Phils. jumping for joy.... my sister cried with me she was so happy for me.... after that i called my hubby who thought i would tell him that the test was negative.... His first words after I told him that I did a test was "It's okay.... maybe it is not our time yet... I still love you even without a child"..... after that he asked me what was the result =) when i told him it was a POSITIVE you can tell on his voice that he wanted to jump for joy.....
I knew then GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO THOSE WHO WAIT..... after 7 monts of waiting ( I was already 2 months on the way when I found out I was pregnant) another test of faith..... My baby was delivered via emergency c-section and she is not breathing apgar score was 3/7 then turn for the wors ( but that is for my next blog)..
With everything that I went through just to be a mom to my baby I still would say it was worth it.... Just seeing my daughter smile..... I know I've been blessed ten folds.....
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