Tuesday, May 25, 2010

bea's 3rd bday celebration

My bea turned 3 on May 11. 2010, since it was a tuesday and both me and hubby has work on weekdays we decided to have my daughters party on May 15, 2010 ( saturday) at least only hubby needs to work halfday and the next day we dont have to work.

On Bea's actual birthday, I decided to take a leave from my office and give in to her birthday wish of going to the zoo. I went to the bakeshop early to buy a chocolate cake for her and surprise he as soon as she wakes up. We went to the zoo that day she loved it-I will blog about it soon :).

On that night, her baby sitter who is also her ninang prepared a surprise dinner for her, I just bought pasta and pizza from pizza hut, my baby is so happy.

On her party...

Our theme was tinkerbell so most of the balloons were purple and green, we made decorations out of a cheap table cloth i bought and just cut out tinkerbell's pic and pasted it on carboard and put a string and hang them on the ceiling of the restaurant.

Bea had two outfit- a dress with purple and green flowers and a purple tinkerbell shirt and blue jeans her second outfit matches my outhfit. Since dad wouldnt wear tinkerbell shirt I just bought him a green shirt (at least it still matches the theme ehheheheh).

We bought the biggest chocolate cake we could buy ( its bea's fave)- as soon as Bea saw it she wanted to taste it alreaady even before her party starts!

It was a succesful party not only because my daughter received a lot of gifts :P but a lot of our friends came to join us celebrate with us and most of all my daughter enjoyed her party.

Here are some pics from her party...

Some of our guests
Her birthday cake.. see those little hands holding the box that's my daughter's she wanted to taste the cake hehehehe

buffet table and banner

Dessert table



My birthday girl ( outfit #1)

My family :)

Mommy and bea in our matching outfits hehehehhe

Some of the gifts thank you thank you so much :)
To all our family and friends thank you so much for being part of our daughters happiness :)

Newest additions to our family....

I always forgot to blog about the newest addition to our familu. My bea has always been an animal lover she isnt even scared of lizards and other creepy crawlers ( not like me ill pass out if somethign crawls up on me hehehehhe).

Last christmas my daughter has been asking for a puppy, so my husband (aka "the spoiler") looked for a puppy for bea. He found a lady who is going off island and cant take her 2 year old maltese with her and asked us to adopt her dog instead. So we did.

Presenting to everyone---- RUSSIAN BOY PATAWARAN ( LOL, ask bea what's his dog's name and that's what shell answer)

Russian for short... this little dog is about a size of an average pup, he is so gentle and quiet he usually sleeps allday and just lie down in one corner the wholeday.... he is not very playful and he likes me more than bea, bea could be a little rough at times and russian is very fragile he gets scared of bea's balloons, stroller and everything. I think that's the reason why bea wants another puppy since russian is such a bore hehehhehe.

And now presenting the newest baby, JAKE PATAWARAN ( heheheh they really have last names since bea always say that's their name)

This is a 6-week old black labrador pup which my hubby (the spoiler) got from their office.... the day he brought jake baby home my bea was ecstatic with excitement... she played with as if it was a baby. The first day at home he is still a little bit small and quiet but now he is a very active pup who eats a lot, play a lot and most of all burns out my bea's pent up energy. Bea would run around the house and this little guy would come chasing after her. She is very happy and its not that all bad since by bed time bea would be so tired that she would doze off to sleep immediately :)
My family is getting bigger from a family of 3 now were a family of 5... wheeww, wonder when we can have a realy baby boy? but for now this 2 guys is just a perfect fir for our family.

Posing Galore!!!

I've been so busy at the office lately that i can't find time to blog or even blog hop... I will do so as soon as I find energy within my body :), the weather isnt helping much either its been very hot all day and night.... I feel drained everyday that I dont have energy to do anything at home after my work :(

Anyway this are few pics that my kumare ( bea's baby sitter) took yesterday while I was at work, she taught bea all the poses she did hehehehhe.. I think their pretty bored hahhahahha.

Enjoy :)

My baby's growing up so fast :)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Labor and Deliver and Bringing Home the Baby

Rodliz’s Nest

This weeks topic on Couples Corner is all about deliver and bringing home the baby.

Not to sound boring or anything but like my pregnancy journey my delivery was nothing short of a miracle.
I was supposed to deliver my baby on May 5, 2007 ( a year after I had my knee surgery in the Philippines), I filed for leave from our office since April 30, 2007, during those times I felt that my baby isn’t moving that much so when I had my prenatal check-up that week I told my ob that my baby isn’t moving that much and I am getting worried. To erase any doubts in my mind she had me undergo fetal NST (non-stress test) it is to determine if your baby is having stress inside of you and if everything is okay. I was hooked up to that machine for 10 minutes and my baby didn’t move that much, my ob said maybe she is sleeping and she sent me home and told me not to worry. On my c due date May 5. 2007 I went to my ob again for a check up but she said I might be giving birth after my due date which is still ok as long as it doesn’t go over 42 weeks, I even asked my ob to induce me or if I could have elective c-section instead since I have a gut feeling that something is wrong with my baby. My ob said I should not worry since my baby is ok and I just have to wait for nature to take its course.
On May 10, 2007 I went back to my ob’s clinic since I haven’t felt the baby move in a while, I was crying since I am afraid to loose my baby. They immediately did a ultrasound to check on my baby and the technician noticed that my amniotic fluid is very low, my stubborn ob said maybe my fluid is just beneath my baby… I cried to her and pleaded just please take out my baby I will sign all the waivers they need just do an elective c-section on me to save my baby. She still assured me that my baby is alright and I don’t have anything to worry, she then agreed to have me induced on May 14, 2007, I felt relieve that I am only a few days from seeing my baby.
On May 11, 2007 I haven’t felt my baby move a lot in my tummy but I felt discouraged to go back to my ob’s office since it would make me feel that I am going crazy already so I just waited for my baby to move, she would move a little but not like her usual self. Around 2 pm as I peed there was a lot of blood coming out and I felt something is wrong so I called my husband and my ob she told me to come back to her office but I insisted to go straight to the hospital instead. My ob agreed to meet us in the hospital. When I went to the hospital the nurses put me in the bed and did a NST on my baby she was indeed barely moving and her heart beat was going down. My ob ordered another ultrasound for me to check on any other conditions like placenta previa or something the technician in the hospital told me that my amniotic fluid was really thick and he was surprised why my ob and his staff hasn’t done anything to deliver the baby sooner. Needless to say I was ordered for an emergency C-section because of fetal distress.
At 5:35 pm, May 11, 2007 my baby was born, at the operating room it was too quiet you would only hear a faint cry every now and then you would only hear a lot of sucking but the nurses and doctors aren’t talking that much , that is when I got worried I keep asking them how is my baby, if she is okay or not.. if I could see her I wanted to get up from the operating table to see my baby finally the pediatrician assigned to my baby brought her to me, she was so pale and she wasn’t even crying I just said hi baby, be strong for mommy okay and she just look at me after that they whisk her away to the NICU to work on her. I felt so confused, scared and angry at the same time… if only my ob listened to me…
As I was still lying down on the operation table I heard the doctors ask what is the APGAR score of my baby and it was 3/7 but then after a few minutes it dropped again. I knew for a fact that the scores should have been from 8-10 and 3 is just too low.
Needless to say my daughter stayed in the NICU for 7 days with all the monitors, IV’s that you could imagine. Early morning on her 2nd day, she stopped breathing and the staff in the NICU had to revive her and after reviving her place her on a breathing machine. That is also the first day I saw her, I just felt so lost at that time just seeing your fragile baby lying lifeless and only a machine to breath for her I cant help but think that God is playing a trick on me. I told Him, why are you like that… after how many years you gave me my miracle but just like that you would take it away… I really felt so lost…That day we also had my baby get her final blessing just in case she pass away… the moment I saw the priest blessing my poor baby with holy water and praying for God to accept her to His kingdom, made my whole world crumble…. After that I just kissed my bea’s hand and told her to be strong and promise me that she wont ever leave me. I went back to my room with my hubby and we were both crying…. It was the first time I saw my hubby breakdown in tears we felt so hopeless we felt so alone… I just told my hubby that God wouldn’t let anything bad happen to bea, He wouldn’t get him back we just have to have more faith in Him that he would give us bea back. I texted all my friends and family in the Philippines to please help us pray for a Miracle.
Another miracle happened to me on my 1st mother’s day ( bea’s 3rd day) as I was entering the NICU to visit her I saw my baby moving and wiggling her arms and legs. The Filipina nurse said”Hay, naku mommy ang baby mo kahit heavily sedated na gising pa rin and she is trying to take out the breathing machine”, the machine was taken out that day. … the Doctors couldn’t believe how fast she recovered , they hugged me and congratulated me for having my baby back…We just had to stay for 4 days in the hospital just to finish off the antibiotics…

We brought bea home a week after she was born and of course there were sleepless nights and a lot of crying but going through that experience you wouldn’t mind that slight discomfort all you care about is you have your baby with you and that is all that matters.
God is really good and I get to see his miracle everyday through the eyes of my daughter.
Happy Wednesday Everyone…

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Couples Corner: Were pregnant!!

Rodliz’s Nest

This week's topic on couple's corner is all about the time when we were pregnant.
My pregnancy was the most wonderful experience that I have ever had.
Getting pregnant was a big challenge to me since I was diagnosed with PCOD a few days before my wedding. I knew that I would be having a difficult time conceiving because of my condition. I tried everything that my obgyn asked me to do just to get pregnant. A couple years of fertility treatment, all the test that I need to clear out any other problems, even taking my temperature every morning to know if I am fertile or not.
It was a long and tiring process that sometimes it feels that I am just doing things because I had to and not because I want to. Finally on May 2006 I went home to the Philippines for a knee surgery, Since my family is a devotee of the Lady of Perpetual Help of Manoag ( APO) I went there a couple of days after my surgery with knee brace and all, as I prayed I told Apo that I give up, I am so tired of begging, crying and asking for a baby... I am just so tired, It was the first time that I went there since my wedding that I didnt ask to have a baby. I just asked for peace within me, I asked for acceptance and ask for guidance. I have accepted the fact that I would not get pregnant anymore and my dream of becoming a Mom would never come true. That time I feel at peace with myself for the first time in so many years, I can move on and look at the other side of my life.
After a couple of days I went back here in Saipan to be with my hubby, because of the long and painful process of conceiving a child, I must say it took its toll on our marriage life. There would be times that my hubby and I wont talk for weeks and I must admit at that time I also accepted that fact that my hubby deserves also to have a family of his own and I must admit the fact that it is not with me. I keep on giving him reasons to get mad at me, so it woudl be easier for him to look for another girl and start his life all over again, though it was painful I still would like to give my hubby a chance to be happy as well, I dont want to be selfish.
Around August 2006, every morning as soon as I arrive in our office I always feel as though I am went to a long trip ( the trip from our house to the office is only 10-15 mins.), I feel dizzy and hot. I was thinking I might be sick or something, I keep on tellign my sister in the Philippines that I might be sick and she keeps on telling me that I might be pregnant and she asked me to buy a pregnancy test kit just to check... since I dont want to get my hopes up and later on just be depressed I told my sister that I was not pregnant and if I buy a HPT kist it would just be a waste of money and I wasted a lot already :)
Afte a long time of being convinced by my sister to get a HPT finally on September 19, 2006 as I was doing office errands I drop by the pharmacty to get a test pack and just get it over with. As soon as I arrive in the office I immediately went to the restroom to take the test It was so quick I saw a + sign on the test and it felt like somebody poured a bucket of cold water on me, I could not breathe, I could not move my legs and my body just trembled. For so long I was hoping to see this + sign on every test that I have taken and now unexpectedly I see it.
I immediately called my hubby and told him that I had the test done already since I was still in shock my voice sounded as though I am disappointed and sad, so my hubby immediately told me "That's ok baby, we can always try.... you'll be my baby forever", I was still speachless then he asked me "So, what's the result", I told him positive, he then said "What's wrong with that?"... I told him I just dont know how to react... I am so happy and shocked at the same time. Needless to say we are both over the moon . I must have taken 7 test that day just to make sure I am really really pregnant.
I didnt have vomiting/nausea or anything... I just hated the smell of sauted onion and garlic, I can't stand tomato sauce and vinegar and I dont like to smell any other perfume other than Elizabeth Arden's gree tea :). Over all I had a very easy pregnancy maybe because I dint mind all the discomfort of pregnancy I was just to happy to experience having a life inside of me.
Happy Wednesday Everyone!!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Today is my baby's 3rd birhtday. I woke up early to buy a cake for her and when she woke up we lit up the candle and we sang happy birthday to her, Her eyes light up with so much happiness.
To my sweetie,
I love you so much sweetie, you have been my strength, my happiness and my bliss. We were looking at you last night while you are sleeping and Daddy and I cant help but cry, we still couldnt believe it that you came to our lives. We remember the day you were born and how sad and out of our mind we were, when you came out lifeless. We remembered the day you were given your final blessing just in case you go and be an angel. I told daddy that I cannot even begin to explain how painful it was for me to witness that. I even told daddy that if that time we lost you I might have gone out of mind. God indeed is very good sweetie 'coz he gave you back to us.
Everyday sweetie I thank God for blessing me with you, My life is now complete baby and that is because of you. In you anak, I find strength to go on, the courage to take on new things and the desire to be better.
You have taught me a lot and still I am learning everyday. You constantly make mommy and daddy proud and hapy for that sweetie, thank you so much.
I wish you to grow up happy and be a good person as much as God wanted you to be.
I love you so much anak and thank you thank you for making mommy complete.
I better get off the computer baby so we can start our day. Off to the zoo we go :)
Love you baby,

Friday, May 7, 2010

MM: Motherly Advice

mommy moments

Since Mother's day is this Sunday, this week's topic on Mommy Momment's is Motherly Advice, I am not sure what advice I can give since I myself is a first time Mom... I will be celebrating my 3rd mother's day this year, but up until this day I can still remember my first, it was May 13, 2007 the day God has given me a mother's day miracle, it was the day that my daughter was given back to me... I can never forget that Mother's day.

Anyway, the advice I can give new mother's like me is RELAX... I remember the first few months that I had my bea, I was so tensed and agitated that if she don't cry for a period of time I get nervous, if she cries continuosly I get frustrated.. I remember not sleeping the whole night just to make sure she's still breathing or if she is okay or not.
And of course to ENJOY... you have to enjoy every momment of it, before you knew it they'll be grown up... though at times they keep on asking questions that sometimes you forget what you are supposed to do or buy since all you hear is why, who, what and all, eventhough they keep on clinging to you that you cant even pee or comb your hair just because they want to be with mommy.. At the end of the day all of it was worth it. It is really amazing how you learn new things in the eyes of your children, I learn something new from my daughter everyday.... can you imagine she knows a SLOTH ( a sleepy one) before I do.
To all the mommy's HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY TO US!!!!
More motherly advice just click on the badge.

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Dyosko! naghalughug pa ako ng litrato sa baul hehehhe. Too bad my pics when was I child is in the philippines and lucky for me I can avoid humiliation hehehhehe.
Anyway, my childhood bestfriend is non other than my one and only sibling, my ate jo-anne, though we may fight like cats and dogs but at the end of the day we still end up sharing one room, sharing the same toys, sharing almost everything.
On the days that my nanay and tatay both has to go to work and they will leave us inside our house with the strict reminder that we cannot go out. My sister and I would have countless hours of play, imagining things making our bunk beds our castle, our boat and everythign in between.
My sister once give me a card that show's two little girls playing under a blanket reminds me so much of us.
This is a pic of me and my sister, i think I was in 1st yr college here or younger... susme di pa siguro uso pagkain nun at kapayat ko pa hehehhe.
and this is our studio shot hehehhehe...

My cousins has always been very close to me also and here we are on our younger days... we were only missing the two boys and that's the complete set of grandkids my grandparents has (katipid naman no?) Wheneever we get together we usually split into 2 groups and the youngest of us the small one at the far left (she is now a nurse like my sister) would determine who would be the dominant group :)
These are my childhood bestfriends... how about you? why dont you head on to our site and share to us who your bestfriends are.
Happy Thursday Everyone!!!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

CC: Meet my moms :)

Rodliz’s Nest

This weeks topic on couples corner is all about our Mother's, I was worried about this topic 'coz i cannot think of anything to say about my mother's. Unfortunately, I am not close to my mother or my mother-in-law, its always been an issue about respect but I still give them credit for bringing me and my hubby into this world. For all their hardwork putting us up tp school, feeding us giving us what we need, I will never fail to give them credit for all of that.
Anyway let me introduce my Mother-in-law first; her name is PURIFICATION S. PATAWARAN we call her nanay puring.

This is the only photo i have of her, sorry i just scanned it this was taken on the day of our wedding. I dont know how old she is but i think she is somewhere in her late 60's, before I met my mother in law i had been always calling her every now and then, and my first impression was she is a real nice lady. The first time I saw her in person well that's a different story, she didnt know i can somehow understand their language ( kapampangan) and she keeps on telling her sisters how come I was allowed to rode on the plane with just jeans, t-shirt and sneakers on ( duh, i would be travelling for 13 hrs, she expects me to put on make up jewleries and nice clothes, sorry it is just not me... comfort is what i am after).

The whole time that I was in their place she keeps on rubbing to my face that all that I have is from her beloved son. She fails to recognize the fact that I am working and I am helping his son out with every possible way I can.. I just let it all pass since I wont be staying there for a long time. But the whole family made it clear that to them I was the witch who stole their beloved son away from them. My mother in law keeps on competing with me for my hubby's attention, and you really can feel and see that she is indeed competing with you. I just let it pass since in my mind and in my heart I know that in the end no one else would matter but me and my husband.

I have a lot more about my MIL but that is for another topic :P.

To my Nanay.. though you dont want anything to do with me and up until this day you still dont recognize the fact that I am your son's wife I still give kudos to you, for giving birth to my soulmate, my destiny and my knight... I will be forever grateful. For bringing him up in such simple way, for teaching him the value of money and harwork at a young age... I thank you, for it is because of his past that he has become a great man, a very loving husband a very proud father. For the long and painful journey he had to go through.... still thank you.. for it is those time that defined him as a man and for it is those time he pomised himself that his future family would not have to go through even an ounce of pain, sorrow and hardship that he went through.

To you nanay I would not discredit you for anything that you have doen for Jun.... Me and bea will be forever grateful to you that you have given us the greatest blessing of our life. Thank you and happy mother's day.

On the other hand, this is my mother, Celia H. Alilam, she is currently in baguio now where she lives with my father. She is turnign 56 yrs. old this year but still acts liek a teenager :P.

This is a pic of my tatay, nanay and bea when we went home in the philippines last november, 2009.

You know when you have a moment in your life when you feel that you cannot do it anymore or you feel so down that you dont have any one to turn to but your mother, you can cry as hard as you wanted to and your mom would just sit there and console you for as long as you feel better? Well, my mother is not like that, if you cry the first thing she will ask is "What did you do?", then she wont stop there and she would insinuate that it was your mistake or you did something. Even before she knew what really happened.

My sister has always been a mommy's girl everytime she needs soemthing she would jsut tell to my mom and my mom would buy or even do things for her. I on the other hand has always been self dependent, I always do things my way.. when my mom went to work overseas and left my sister and me to the care of my father, my sister had the hard time adjusting so instead I took over the role of my mother in our family ( and i was the youngest), I can say I matured a lot becuase of that, so when it was time for me to work here in Saipan and be with my mother... our gap got wider, she can't believe that I am able to think on my own that she insist to control me with her own rules. After living 8 yrs. without her it is hard for me to abide her every whim, most of the times we would clash and we would end up fighting. I keep asking her to respect me as a person and recognize the fact that I will be able to know what it right or wrong but she would answer me with, " hay, nako jen wag mo nga ako sinasagot at baka samapalin kita" or tumahimik ka nga baka masaktan kita... those words i keep hearing while growing up you cant complain or tell your side of the story 'coz before she even listen she has already have made up her mind that its your fault or you have done something wrong.

But anyway she still is my mom.. though at times I was wishing that somebody would come and claim me as their own.... Iknow deep in my heart she is my mother and I am deeply indebted to her for my being.

To madear, I know we have lots of differences actually iI think we are both opposites of each other hehehhe. Though we may fight a lot, you know and I have proven time and again that I would just be here whenever you need me. Though you question my life decisions and think I am bound to fail.. I know deep in my heart you are still proud of me on learningn how to stand on my own feet... your just too stubborn to admit it :P

Though you have disowned me a couple of times for standing thru my decisions, I know you didnt mean it and I know you just want me to follow your way, the safe way... I have learned to be stubborn like you becuase I want to prove to you that somehow Ill figure out how I want to live my life and I just want you to respect my decision.

A lot of times I question your love for me and i know you get hurt everytime I telll you that you dont care about me...I am sorry for that... for the heart aches I cause you I am sorry... for every teardrop you shed because of me... Sorry.

I thank you madear for everything, you inspire me to be a better mom to bea because I fear bea and I will be in the same position that we are in right now. I am who I am right now becuase of you.... I value my family because I have seen you stick it out with our family thru thick and thin, I respect my husband so much because I have seen the effect of discrediting tatay of everything, I love my daughter too much because I have seen how much love can go a long way.

For my whole being madear, thank you so much and though I may not say it often... I love you :)

Happy mother's day every one!!!

Monday, May 3, 2010

just thinking.....

Yesterday, I was so weak that I didnt do any work, my sweet hubby did all the work for me he washed 2 loads of laundry, clean my car, take care of my bea and clean the house. I on the other hand just lay down where ever I can lie down. As in litterally I was just laying around ( Nakahandusay lang talaga ako- tawa ng tawa si hubby sa term ko). Too much partying last saturday night that I promised myself not to over do it... ever !!! i think :P.
Anyway, when I came to my senses and regained my energy back I was able to join hubby on the dinner table, we were talking on how blessed our life is. We both agreed that our life has changed tremendously for the better eversince we had our bea.We reminisced on how hard our life was when we were just starting out, we seldom eat out since our money is just enough to pay our bills and buy food. Now when we dont feel like cooking we just hop on to our car and eat anywhere we wanted to. Before, we had to think a lot of times before we can purchase things which we deemed to be expensive now we have a little more liberty to buy things that we want and buy bea things she wants to.
Though we have a little bit to spare we still set aside something for our savings. We wanted to make sure that our daughter's future is safely secured. Just talking with my hubby last night made me realize more that God is indeed very good. I just hope and pray that whatever may come our way we can surpass everything hand in hand.
Thank you God for the opportunity to experience your miracle everyday and Thank you for the chance you have given me to have a taste of my own bliss everyday.
Happy mondays every one